Overcoming Fears

Do you know the feeling: You spent a nice and exuberant evening with your friends and have been on your way home since now. At the corner you say goodbye to your last friend and continue walking home.

With every step, the otherwise so familiar street looks gloomy ... was the light flickering? ... do I hear steps? ... someone is following me? .... Who is this dark figure over there on the corner? Depending on the situation, you pull out your cell phone, look back, accelerate your steps or turn into the next house entrance to drive away your "pursuer". If you have survived this "horror way" home, you quickly open the door and lock it behind you and only then do you realize that you have held your breath and let go of the fear with a relieved breath.

But was the fear justified? - Well, of course every single situation/moment is new and individual. The recent incidents in London are a sad example of the justified fears and worries of people (yes, women often feel more insecure - but men can find themselves in exactly the same situation, regardless of age or gender.). The news may add some fear to this concern.

Education is the best resource here to begin with. On the one hand, how can you behave when you realize that the person in front of you is nervous and apparently worried about you (dark street ... all cats look gray at night;) don't forget, you can't be in such situations necessarily recognize whether one is good or bad)? You could, for example, change the side of the street (increase the safety distance and you do not run the risk of entering the "private feel-good" room (distance, reminds you of Dirty Dancing, my dance area, your dance area!). And you could for example also do following like a friend told me: when he started talking on the phone and spoke in a friendly tone, a woman's nocturnal "anxiety" relaxed because he was seen as less of a threat.

Furthermore, self-defense courses (which, by the way, are also offered by some police sports clubs) or martial arts clubs can be attended. There is something for everyone here and not only serves to overcome fears but also to overcome personal limits and leads to greater self-confidence.

Have you never attended a martial arts or self-defense class? Are you afraid of violence? - just then it is particularly important to do something about it. Back then, in my Taekwondo club, I learned right from the start how to deal responsibly with what I had learned and when to fight and when to run away. It's not about knowing how to hurt someone, but how to defend yourself if necessary. What speaks against to have a look at different clubs and getting to know the local people? In the worst case, you will find new friends for life and a new hobby that will strengthen you! So give it a try!

You can find more information on defense and correct behavior at:
https://www.polizei-beratung.de/themen-und-tipps/gewalt/selbstbehauptung/

Ok, that's related to fear of assault and dark streets. But what about other fears? For example the fear of heights or falling!

Well ... I'm kind of scared of heights. As soon as there is no handrail, for example, which is higher than my hips, the alarm bells ring for me. My hands get sweaty, my mouth gets dry, I get dizzy and my legs don't want to go any further ... let alone closer to the edge, the abyss. or even higher.

Look familiar to you? Welcome to the club. But is it really the fear of heights or rather the fear of falling? Good question? Thank you. :)

There are different degrees of this fear, some just feel uncomfortable, others get a panic attack as soon as you are off the ground. Depending on the severity, you can approach these fears in different ways. Remember, fears and trauma are not a game, in the case of panic attacks and severe fears, an EXPERT should work out a strategy with you (you can find information and facilities in your area, for example through search engines and the term "anxiety therapy", as well as your health insurance companies can advise you).
 
Let's tackle fear of heights and how to combat it with a case study. I love to swim - yeah! Aquarius ... when I was supposed to jump into the water from the starting block I always felt a strange feeling in my stomach area ... "I hope I'll dive right in ... otherwise it will definitely hurt", "mmh ... from up here the water looks quite a long way away."

However, I trusted both my father and my swimming instructor at the time and jumped!

Am I always perfectly immersed? - no .... every now and then there was a belly splash, but it wasn't as bad as initially expected. And every time it got better and my fear less.

I experienced the same phenomenon with the 1-meter and 3-meter towers. "But not as bad as expected!". The 10-meter tower is a hurdle for me to this day, but I have learned to deal with the hurdle. And I can overcome the fear if I need to. How? Well ... this is what happened:

On a summer day, I went to the swimming pool with my friends. I sent them to the other area because I wanted to face my fear that day (but at the same time didn't want to embarrass myself in front of them) and I arrived at the 10-meter tower lying quietly in front of me. No group of other children hogging this so perfect timing as the saying goes. Motivated and cheerful, I went to the foot of the tower and looked up.

Do you know that when suddenly a ladder or staircase seems endless and elongates? - Yes, that's exactly how it was for me at that moment. I swallowed hard and tried all my courage to put my hands on the ladder and the first foot on the lowest rung. With a long breath I started the ascent ... it felt like an eternity ... but you don't want to climb back down after what feels like 500 meters, that's at least as bad as up.

When I got to the top, I let out another deep breath - oh breath held? Not noticed at all! This often happens in stressful situations, hence my recommendation: In a situation that stresses you or causes you discomfort, pay attention to your breath and breathe very calmly and in a controlled manner, this gives you a certain grounding in the situation.

Clinging to the railing, I was relieved to find that no one had attended my embarrassing ascent. Step by step, trembling with every meter, I went to the edge to analyze my situation.

The interesting thing about such a situation are the "head cinemas" that develop independently (thanks, creativity!): If I don't jump off properly, I end up on the pool floor instead of in the water ?! / I could slip and hit my head against the board *Blood splatters in my mind figuratively in front of me* / I pass out from the huge belly splash and the pain and drown!

You know what I want to explain right? Every second my brain was creaking more and more reasons for NOT doing it. Fear tried to protect myself from this stupid idea by all means - after all, fear didn't know any better and I didn't seem to want to hear.

Yes, I looked at the ladder for a moment - but climbing down a slippery, steep ladder from up there (felt like 1000 meters) would be worse than just jumping ... that would always be over quickly ... on one or another way.

So I drove away this idea of escape and stood at the other end of the platform. I wanted to end the situation like a plaster, quickly and painlessly ... to this I had made up my mind at least not to scream in order to preserve my dignity .... everything in me screamed "No, don't do that! It's too high!" But I took a run, jumped .... and screamed and with a huge splash I landed a few seconds later in the cool wet.

And you know what ?! I am still alive!
Yes, I had some embarrassing moments that day, but I overcame my fear and was so proud of it. With every step you take against your fears, you grow beyond yourself and change your life into something colorful and multi-faceted!

Do I now jump from the 10th every day? No, but on a regular basis to remind me that there is no reason to be afraid! The next step to fight this fear is house running .... I was so free to invite a friend and as soon as possible, we go to lofty heights and face the abyss .... she still hates me for this idea (but will love me all the more afterwards xD).

Iam happy to share another example of fear recognized and fear banished with you in another area.

In the course of my further training and cooperation with various coaches and trainers, I trained myself on one quality: as soon as I hear something that scares me, I do it. (Except for bungee jumping, I draw the line for myself personally ...)

Then one day when I got the suggestion to do a short stand-up comedy appearance about my life, the panic was so great that I immediately called my friend and dragged her to a performance. Yes, she had no choice. The phone call was something like: "You, me at the comedy stand-up in Cologne at the weekend.", "Um, what?", "No questions, just come with me - I need you!", "Ok."

When we watched the show - basically researching what scared me - I explained to her why we are here. And during the break my friend did what good friends do - she gave me a friendly push and I found myself talking to the moderator. "Um ... excuse the disturbance (why do you always think that you are disturbing others ?!) I asked myself ... um ... how is it actually ... um ... when you ... when you have never done ... uh .... but uh ... but maybe would want to try it out .... uh ... "," Yes, cool! In our industry we need more women and we are always looking for new talents! The best thing to do is to send me a short email (got a business card in my hand) and we will find an appointment for you in the next 3-4 weeks! Looking forward to seeing what you can do! , "Um ..... ok .... um ... thank you .... yeah! ... um ...", back at our table I was in shock .... now I couldn't find a way out more .... my friend found the situation very funny.

But was I really afraid of performing or rather embarrassing myself and losing my face? - The answer was clear, I didn't want to make a mockery of the audience, coupled with self-doubt.

What could I do? I had already given my word to the organizer and got an appointment, witnesses (my friends) were there and waited for the moment and I wanted to put an end to this self-doubt! So I worked on my program every day, adding and adding, changing and practicing in front of the mirror. until after weeks I thought: "hey! That was super funny! They'll laugh out loud! yeah!"

- Day of Performance -
I obliged my friend and her partner to accompany me (I even went as far as I had invited my family, who had different priorities at that moment - thank God). It was my turn in the middle of the program, before me and after me experienced and great comedians from all over Germany and even from the UK. I was also allowed to sit at the artist's table (I was so proud!) And talked to them and asked them about their experience. Everyone was so nice and open that the nervousness gradually subsided. Then it was my turn and she was back ... my friends and the artists were loudest and I walked onto the stage and started. After two minutes I noticed that the audience was very critical (yes yes yes ... partly an excuse, partly really on this evening) and realized that I failed completely.

That the crickets didn't chirp and that a dry desert shrub rolled through the club made me very surprised.